So today my chest starts hurting. I know for most people, especially who have recently been sick, this wouldn't be cause for concern. But for me, it completely freaked me out. I had a pulmonary embolism 4 months ago and getting back into running and feeling myself be able to be physical again was so nice- I was forgetting how fragile our existence here is and forgetting how my lungs ached for months. And then today, they started hurting again and it brought it all back. It hurts... not nearly as bad as my embolism but my embolism didn't start bad either, and 24 hours later I was in the hospital in the worst pain of my life. It's hard to not be scared even though I know this can't be a clot because I'm still on the blood thinners. I am so grateful for the blood thinners right now because without them I'd be even worse and probably demanding a cat scan.
I feel really lonely because I feel like nobody my age understands. I feel like nobody I know gets it. It doesn't help that I had to go get another 10 vials of blood drawn today so they can try to figure out what's going on with the blood clots. I just feel like such a freak- a lonely scared freak.
Needless to say I haven't been running. I got sick, and then with my lungs hurting it's out of the question. I hope I feel normal soon. Feeling like this gets old fast.
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